Ok, well my name is aloce and I signed up to dA because my cousin forced me too 8D Some of you may only know me because she introduced me to you guys...? Well yeah, you may have noticed that when you went to say hullo...you didn't get a reply...for a very long time >_> And I need to explain why I guess...

Of course I've had some school stuff, life's hectic, but I've had this issue hovering over me for ages regarding an ex-bestfriend. To make this clear, I'm gonna start from the start and not leave out anything ._.

Ok, so when I first started at my new high school I was pretty nervous. I only knew one person from my primary school and everyone seemed to already know each other. It was scary D: Eventually I met this girl, named Rosanna.

One of the important things I wanted when I came to my new school was a best friend. I hadn't really been that close with anyone in my primary school and well, I wanted that sort of good friendship >_<

So Rosanna and I became pretty close pretty quickly. Maybe that's why it went all wrong? I don't know. She went over my house, I went over her house, it was all good. Then we had our first fight-

basically I was being a bit hyped up one lunch and she was in the library with her other friends while I finished my lunch (stupid library won't let anyone eat in there T_T). So yeah I met this other girl, who was a friend of Rosanna's, and apprantly she couldn't find her charger or smth. So I went up there to Rosanna's group of friends and asked if they had it and someone did and I went down to give it back and Rosanna was like, oh just say it wasn't my fault cause it wasn't So I go down and see Amy and (I was still on my high) And I said in a heavily sarcastic manner that it was completely Rosanna's fault...and Amy was like hehe go tell her that I blame her entirely (jokeish) I tell her, but Rosanna takes it the wrong way and then I explain what happened...you have no idea how angry she got at me T_T She gave me this horrible GLARE that made me go *eep* and she walked away. I was like, dude I'm sorry! and she was like *GLAREEE* *IGNOREEEE*.

And so, she refused to talk to me for an entire week which made me upset, and then I went to camp...but when I came back she met me at the bus stop...and well, things smoothed over.

Personally, I think she overreacted. But maybe this was just once? Heck, I was so wrong.

Meanwhile, things were ok...until around Term 3...she started getting these MOODS. Like she'd be happy and stuff and then suddenly she'd be all quiet and ignore me. I'd ask her what's wrong but she'd just glare and walk off. Then I'd have to go apologise over something I didn't even know I did wrong! wtf?

So, at the end of Year 7, I could honestly say I was fed up over this sort of attitude. A lot of the times I was crying with frustration or because I was naturally upset since I thought my best friend hated me and I couldn't do anything about it. I felt alone. So here is what happened over summer holidays.

Over msn (could only do it that way) I told her I hated her. I told her to stay away from me, why I hated her. We had a huge fight...it went on for an hour, with quick responses on msn. That's long T_T However, suddenly, she wasn't responding, then she was like this:
Rosanna: Hi.
Me: O_O um, wtf?
Rosanna: er...hi? I was away
Me: TT_TT EXCUSE ME?
Rosanna: I went off to watch a movie XD Sorry I didn't tell you!
Me: Don't give me that crap. We had a friggin msn fight just then!
Rosanna: huh? D8
Me: scroll up!
Rosanna: I opened a new window...
Me: Don't tell me that, who was talking then?
Rosanna: I think my brother went on my laptop

Ok. That is just retarded. Firstly, I know Rosanna and I know she wouldn't want people going on her laptop, ESPECIALLY her brother. And also, if it really was her brother, how on earth could he know about all the stuff we talked about? She was lying through her teeth, and when I told her to cough up and confess, she kept lying. She rang me and was all sad on the phone and asked to be forgiven, and I said if she could only tell me the truth and she kept lying.

Maybe I was being an idiot? I thought, maybe she was actually telling the truth. Maybe she wasn't lying? Regardless, I told her to stay away from me next year. Unfortuntely, that was too hard. My other friends felt they kept being inbetween us and told me to make up with her, because she was really upset about it. I suppose I sort of missed Rosanna - she was my best friend after all, so we made up.

And so begins Year 8, once again best friends with Rosanna. Was this another mistake? Yes it was. I thought that lie of hers was just a one-off thing. Oh heck I was wrong, just like the overreactions and moods.

Two weeks into term 2, my friend who came with me from my primary school to my new school (we were really close, take note) suddenly started avoiding me in French class. I was very confused. I tried talking to her but she just stayed away from me. I told Rosanna about this, and she sounded confused as well. Finally, after two weeks of avoiding and glares, I confronted Vinci. She told me something very interesting.

Apprantly Rosanna had gone up to her, as well as a bunch of my other friends, and told them I hated them. She said that the only reason I sit with them in classes is because I have no other friends.

I dont know why, maybe its because they knew how close Rosanna and I were, but they believed her.

Vinci and I went up to Rosanna and tried to make her confess, but she ignored Vinci. On msn, she would block Vinci or tell Vinci she's going to dinner at 8:30pm. I don't know why, but I believed Rosanna and got mad at Vinci for making things up. I was slightly annoyed at Vinci, since she hadn't been talking to me for a while, so that might have fueled it. But eventually, I saw sense and believed Vinci. However, I didn't really think anything about it. If Rosanna did what she did, when we had been best friends (no fights or anything!) she might have had a good reason for it.

Meanwhile, at the same time, I had made friends wtih two other people-Li and Janny, who were in Year 7. They took public transport with me on the way home.

Things were ok between me and Rosanna, before the moods started happening again. It was a frequent occurrence when she seemed to be TRYING to pick fights with me. Rosanna and I were with this other girl, named Sophie.

Me: Duude, sophie, pull ur collar out from under the jumper. It looks funny otherwise XD *jokeish mood* (before assembly)
Sophie: XP oh crap *fixes*
Rosanna: No it doesn't.
*everyone stares*
Me: Erm, yes it does..
Rosanna: NO IT DOESN'T.
Me: O_O" Um, well it sort do-
Rosanna: No it doesn't, ok?!?!
Me: *gives up* *walks away*

Then once again, I'd have to apologise to her because she couldn't swallow her pride and 'fess up to me. It was ridiculous. Li and Janny were starting to constantly hear me on the tram talking about something that happened between me and Rosanna. I'm honestly surprised how they managed to keep up with me!

Another thing that happened was when I lost my sports bag. I was devastated, because my mum blew it at me. We're in a tight situation so it wasn't really easy, losing my school's bathers, towel, bag etc. I emailed Vinci and Rosanna about it. Vinci was very concerned and told me to chill, that everything was going to be ok..y'know the normal considerate friend? Rosanna's response;

Rosanna: erm, how could you lose ur bag if you're meant to be looking after it?
Me: wtf, are you my mother? I'm distressed right now, and the best you could come up is that?
Rosanna: Oh geez, I was just trying to help!
Me: Help...yeah honestly, LECTURING me when I'm feeling like this is a lot of help T_T

eventually I calmed down and made up with her....but anyway, so I had to buy a new bag, because my school doesn't allow any other bags besides THEIR bag (stupid retards T_T) so I had to save up since I didn't have enough money and my mum wouldn't give any to me. So my friends helped contribute to my little fund...except Rosanna. Ok, with this, I don't really have a right to get angry, cause it's money, but still, I almost feel that she should of? Because her family isn't that tight, they live in a REALLY rich suburb, she gets tutoring and she's always buying these things...and she couldn't even help me out. But I didn't get angry...I didn't really have a right to.

We have this competition in Australia...called the Science Talent Search. Basically it's this competition where students have to make something based on a scientific subject. I was Rosanna's partner because we wanted to work together. We did a computer game. Unfortunately, one of the things I noticed with Rosanna was that she hardly did any work. I was always working, and if I asked her for help, she'd give me the information for it at the very last minute, which made it VERY stressful for me. ^^" But I didn't say anything to her.

unfortunately, later on, a similar thing happened with my charger. Yeah, I lose things...a lot ==; Well I've tried to stop that...but anyway, I tried to find it (which eventually I did) but before that, I was thinking I'd have to buy one. I had a fight with Rosanna about it. I got frustrated that she never helped out with anything going on in my life and she just didn't seem to care. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but I just got frustrated. I felt like, as a best friend, she should care about stuff that happens. Like, ok, maybe she couldn't help out with money, but she should at least ACT like she cares. Nup, nuthin from her. Just a sympathetic glance for two seconds and then a change over to a topic that is interesting for her. How considerate T_T

anyway, we didn't talk for about two weeks after that. But eventually I got through to her, (I literally had to beg).

You might think...wtf, if she's such a bad friend, why suck up to her? It's because I didn't have any friends. Rosanna was my only friend at my school and she knew it. She knew it very much so. A lot of the times we'd be sitting at lunch and her other friends would hang out...and I would get jealous. Because Rosanna is my only friend, I suppose I just felt that I wanted her to care about me as much as I cared about her, but I hardly got that. So when she was with others, I got jealous. She was my best friend after all.

So we made up, but it was downhill from there. We were getting very snappy with each other and we'd have arguments every week. Janny was trying to get through to me that Rosanna was being a horrible friend to me. Finally I decided to take action. (hehe..superman style XD)

So I told her to stay away from me. THis happened after I found out she had lied to me again. In fact she was backstabbing about me to HER friends who didn't like me, just so she would look good to them. It was really upsetting to me when I found out, and when asked her about it, she lied.

I felt like I had no friends, I honestly wanted to be home schooled. Janny and Li were often worried about me, because I was really gloomy a lot. I would often feel really depressed and seriously emo. I didn't want to be at school, I only wanted to be at home. I lived for weekends. I hated life. I honestly had no one.

So I literally told her to stay out of my life. I kept it up by hanging out with Janny (despite that she was in the year below me) until Janny took an early holidays to China (this was the last week of term). So on Thursday, I didn't have anyone to be with at lunch. I ended up at the library foyer, and Rosanna and her friend Rebecca were there as well. I just sat there...I don't even know why, and kinda cried to myself while Rosanna and Rebecca talked. I think everything started to be a bit much. I am a very emotional person...and life was REALLY hard.

Eventually Li found me and dragged me off somewhere. She was concerned - naturally - because I literally being emo there. But thankfully, it was the last day of school. I was really depressed the whole day, and I really regret it. I was pretty shut down, even to Li, who to be honest, was probably my closest friend at my school.

So once again, during summer holidays I told her to stay away. This time, quite seriously. Thankfully, it worked out better. In Term 1, she had this 8-week camp thing that is part of the my school cirriculum, and she stayed away. This time allowed me to become closer friends with Li and Janny, as well as their other friends. Yeah, my best friends are now in the year below me but I don't care.

Rosanna came back, and she got jealous. She tried to talk to me, and for some reason I started being friends with her again - before I realised that I was almost making a mistake. I didn't want to lose the really good friends I now had, and who also hated Rosanna for what she had done to me, and I was worried a repeat of Year 8 would happen, just 100 times worse. Rosanna got mega jealous of my friends. Danni was telling me about how to get rid of her, and when Rosanna heard about those ways, she got really angry. She threatened to beat up Danni, but couldn't cause that she was in a private school.

That was it for me. I told Rosanna to fuck off. I couldn't take it anymore. I did that, and I was really serious and harsh at the same time. Maybe I shouldn't have been so extreme, but Rosanna had fucked up two years of my school life.

So basically that's what has been happening in my life XD Now, Rosanna kind of gets the message. I think she's hurt, but what else can I do? I probably shouldn't have been friendly to her when she came back from the camp, but I was honestly confused. I've found my resolve now, and I'm happy because I have friends who honestly care about me. Now I just have to move on 8)

WOAH! long journal post for my first .___. and pretty deep too I guess XD Comment however you like, show your honest opinion people! XP